I don’t know if any of you have been following the weather in Canada.  If you haven’t, let me sum it up:

It’s freaking cold!  It is freeze-your-ass-off COLD!  It is several degrees below ZERO. 

FAHRENHEIT.

It’s not cold like “oh hey, it’s a bit nippy outside” cold. 

It’s more like “oh hey, my arm just fell off, but thankfully I’m too numb to feel it and I’m too frozen to bleed” cold!

So I did what any smart person would do, and I left beautiful, warm, sunny Myrtle Beach (where people are wearing shorts right now) and flew to Toronto see my beautiful Bingles.

Why, you might ask, would an otherwise smart person fly from a gorgeous resort town to a frozen wasteland?

THIS is why.

Ah yes, the beautiful Bingles.  Gorgeous inside and out.  So beautiful, so loving, so caring, so brilliant, so perfect in every way, that I knowingly flew to Coldtopia to spend a week experiencing what it’s like to freeze internally. 

So anyway, while I was up there, we decided to fulfill our addiction to critters (and pretend we weren’t in the Arctic) by going to Reptilia in Toronto.

Reptilia is a really cool place!  It’s kind of like a smaller version of Ripley’s Aquarium, except with reptiles instead of fishies.

Here are some pics that Bingles took of me cavorting with the swamp monsters.  There were a lot more creatures there, but here are the highlights:

 

We start off by meeting my new BFF, whom I’ve named Bert.  Bert was the patriarch of this particular clan of iguanas, so he kept a close eye on me at all times.

 

 

Here is Bert yawning.  He would also move his head up and down while puffing his little turkey-neck thingy (you gotta appreciate my scientific lingo).  I think this was meant to be some kind of alpha-male “step off my turf” display.  Anyway, I just did it back to him, not to threaten him but because I thought it was funny-looking, and I wanted him to see how silly it looked.

 

 

I named this iguana Ernie.  He slept the whole two hours we were there.  Watching him sleep made me tired, so we took a little nap together.

 

 

Feeling rested and refreshed, I decided to show my appreciation of nature by poking at angry snakes.  Incidentally, I have a pair of snakeskin shoes that are almost exactly the same color as this guy.  I didn’t tell him though.

 

 

Feeling somewhat amorous, I started to kiss every scaly thing in sight, starting with this snake.

 

 

This Gila Monster was one of the few things that actually was eager to kiss me  back.

And don’t think I didn’t appreciate it either.  It’s nice to feel loved.

 

 

It’s true what they say; kissing a bunch of strangers is tiring.  So I went back and napped a bit with Ernie.

 

 

Not wanting to do the stereotypical “toad kissing”, I chose to mock them by puffing my face out at them.

Unfortunately, amphibians are well-known for their lack of appreciation for physical comedy.

 

 

Reptilia is chock full of gators and crocs.  In fact, they have the largest crocodile in captivity, or the largest crocodile in Canada, or whatever.  Something like that.  They have a very big crocodile, so big that it has the distinction of being the largest something-or-other.

But he/she was hiding in the corner, so I decided to party with this guy, who in my humble opinion is the most friendly crocodile/alligator in all of the Greater Toronto Area.  Friendly, or maybe just hungry.

 

 

And yes, I kissed him too.

 

 

These guys were *ahem* busy.  I did not kiss them, as Bingles informed me that doing so would be a violation of several Canadian laws.

 

 

 

This angered me very much, and led me to have a temper tantrum, followed of course by another nap.

 

Unfortunately, we did not get any pictures of the feeding we got to watch up close and personal.  We were about 3 feet away while one of the employees took out some kind of fairly large lizard (a Ruta?  Guta?  something like that) and fed him/her a bunch of dead rats.  Sweet.

 

We also didn’t get any good pics of their King Cobra.  Apparently, it is Canada’s Largest Venomous Snake, which is amazing because Canada is well-known for their tropical snakes.

 

Anyway, Reptilia is a great place for critter-lovers in or around Toronto.  Lots of fun, and they keep it nice and warm in there (which was much-appreciated).

And the price is pretty fair too.  It was less than $30 (even after Canada’s consumer-raping sales taxes) and their staff is very courteous and knowledgeable.

So, for any people in Canada who are still thawed enough to read this, head on over to Reptilia, and tell them Myrtle Beach Website Designer sent you!

Even though they don’t know who I am…